Rating: 7/10: The Forbidden Kingdom could have been a great film if someone like Samo Hung or Brett Ratner or Jackie Chan himself directed it. 

I was SO very excited when I saw the first online photo of Jackie Chan and Jet Li together in a movie for the first time. I couldn’t believe it. I can’t remember how many Jackie Chan movies I’ve watched – he’s one of my cinematic idols. And Jet Li’s fights have always been wow.

 I was apprehensive about the fantasy genre, however, because I’m a big kung-fu fan, not a wire-fu fan. I don’t mind wire work all that much, actually, but sometimes it’s just too obviously unreal. Wires worked great in the first two Matrix movies, for example, but looked lousy in Charlie’s Angels and Romeo Must Die. I didn’t want Jackie Chan and Jet Li flying around.

 Unfortunately, that’s what they did a lot of the time. I really, really wanted to like The Forbidden Kingdom, but…well, let me directly jump to what’s wrong with it.

(a)   The lousy protagonist: Of all things, the hero of the film is not the two kung fu legends, but some kid named Michael Angarano. Nothing personal against him, but his character is just an irritating little idiot of a white boy. Very irritating. He’s a friendless loser, which is okay, but what really trod on my nerves was all his whining. What’s even worse was his whining on a lot of occasions was a kind of plot/dialogue device to try to bring some sense of danger or urgency in the audience. Lines like “We’re not gonna make it, are we?” He was horrible. Whenever he moaned and complained, I mentally groaned and complained.

(b)   The dimwitted, for the heck of it romantic subplot: There’s this girl the hero’s supposed to fall in love with, but she’s one of those cliched characters who wants revenge on the villain. Absolutely nothing, repeat nothing happens between these two that would even ignite a small desire on the part of a viewer to see them hook up.

(c)   Wires, wires, wires: I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. Mere use of wires doesn’t thrill me. If wires are used to accentuate reality, that’s fine with me. But if they’re used to show flying-fu and wire-fu, it had better be really beautiful. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and Hero are two movies where wires made the fights honestly beautiful. Come to think of it, I liked Hero more.

(d)   Why fantasy? It didn’t have to be a fantasy. There are so many great tracks I was thinking the movie could have taken, even if it had been set in the real world. The fantasy element adds absolutely nothing but an excuse for VFX from some studio.

(e)   You can’t have a friggin’ crash course in kung fu! I couldn’t decide which was worst – the hero’s whining, his silly romance, or the fact that he learns two years’ worth of kung fu in perhaps two weeks! At the beginning of the movie, he knows nothing. As he undertakes his journey towards the Jade Mountain, the heroes train him in kung fu (There could have been much more fun with this part – should’ve asked Jackie Chan or Samo Hung to direct). How the hell long can a journey to some mountains take? It seems to take just a few days, maximum a few weeks here, but our great teenager hero masters not only some flashy kicks but also a couple of weapons! Anyone who has trained in any form of martial art (I have) will know you DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT become capable of taking on armies of armed villains after a crash course in kung fu!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(f)    No real thrills in the fights: I’m really, really disappointed with the fights. They should have been the best part of the movie – they’re not. Jackie Chan and Jet Li’s non-fighting scenes are. Here’s why I think the fights didn’t look as effective as they could have – it’s a small, silly thing, but think about it: their pajamas. If a person’s wearing reasonably straight pants, his leg looks much longer when kicking. Baggy pants or pajamas severely diminish that effect.

Some Great One-on-One Martial Arts Fights

To compare the Jackie Chan – Jet Li showdown, here’s a list of some obscenely wonderful one-on-ones that really got my blood pumping

1. Jackie Chan vs Benny ‘The Jet’ Urquidez in Dragons Forever. Benny ‘The Jet’ Urquidez was a 42-fight undefeated kickboxing champion.
2. Jackie Chan vs Samo Hung vs Yuen Biao in Dragons Forever. This was a comic fight between three friends/enemies. Wires were used here too, but not to fly around, rather, to increase the speed or impact of someone’s fall
3. Michelle Yeoh vs Zhang Ziyi in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. Lots of wire work, but lots of drama as well. Yes, I forgot to mention. Even a fight needs its own internal drama or comedy.
4. Jackie Chan vs the Dutch karate champion and one more villain in Who Am I. This was atop a really tall building, and was truly an adrenaline rush.
5. Jackie Chan vs Richard Burton in City Hunter. Comedy comedy comedy.
6. Jackie Chan vs Bill ‘Superfoot’ Wallace in The Protector. Bill ‘Superfoot’ Wallace was an international karate champion
7. Jackie Chan vs (Can’t remember his name) in The Legend of Drunken Master. Jackie Chan’s a drunken monkey fighter in The Forbidden Kingdom too, but the fights here are nothing compared to The Legend of Drunken Master. And that last fight with the villain – oh gawd! He bloody lifts his leg and stretches it 180 degrees off the floor!
8. Jet Li vs Billy Chow. My favourite Jet Li fight.
9. Tony Jaa’s first two fights in the bar in Ong Bak. I fell in love with martial arts movies again after watching Ong Bak. Tony Jaa is a true martial arts superstar. He’ll never be the actor that Jackie Chan is, but he can kick arse!
10. Bruce Lee vs Chuck Norris in Way of the Dragon. I don’t really need to mention Bruce Lee. I’m sure everyone’s seen his movies.

All these fights had a goosebump-inducing quality. Not so with a single fight in The Forbidden Kingdom, which is a real pity.

 Jackie Chan usually has his own team of people for fights, because he’s comfortable with them and they know how not to hurt each other. When he does a fight, he explores the location thoroughly and imagines how the whole set and props could be used in the fight. This is what sets him apart from any other action hero. He’s used refrigerator doors in Rumble in the Bronx, chillies in Project A, ladders and benches in many, etc etc.

Jackie Chan in Western films

Jackie Chan is not only a great martial artist but a gifted actor. Even if he didn’t have any fighting skills, he’s still a brilliant actor – no one can deny he’s a fantastic comedian. In The Forbidden Kingdom, I didn’t even realise it was him playing the old man until the second scene. He’s a great director too. His humour is often low brow, but very rarely is it boring or unfunny.
 Brett Ratner is the only director who’s been able to understand how to make a Jackie Chan film. I enjoyed Rush Hour 1 and 2 immensely. Shanghai Noon and Knights were fun films, but didn’t have outstanding action. Others like The Medallion, The Myth and The Tuxedo have been weird films that simply don’t do the man justice.

My Favourite Jackie Chan Movies

For those who want to see Jackie Chan’s best work, here’s a list of my personal favourites, in no particular order. Most of these movies are technically pale compared to films now, and the plots are of course silly or cliched, but I love them for their beautiful fights, or their highly funny scenes. With Jackie Chan it’s almost always both together. His films are family films that you can sit and watch with your parents and kids without any worries of embarassing moments. They’re good, clean, entertaining, minimal-blood fun. And I really respect him for that. He’s mentioned in his documentary, ‘My Stunts’, that he wants fights to look beautiful – people should go wow, not yeesh at the sight of blood. I fully agree! A film critic has written that anyone going to a Jackie Chan movie looking for story should be taken to a height and dropped on to his head – they’re meant for fun, not enlightenment.

1. Supercop
2. Mr Nice Guy
3. Dragons Forever
4. The Legend of Drunken Master
5. Police Story
6. Police Story 2
7. City Hunter
8. Project A
9. Project A II
10.  Rumble in the Bronx
11. Who Am I
12.  The Young Master
13. Armour of God
14. Wheels on Meals
15. The Protector
16. Half a Loaf of Kung Fu